A Partner for Change

Posted on March 2, 2014 | 10 comments

 perkins write speak coach

When beginning a coaching relationship with someone, the first question I ask is “do you have the will to change the system?”.

This question can be in reference to any facet of change:

  • leadership culture
  • church systems
  • relational systems
  • personal development
  • spiritual development

Desire to change is one thing, having the will to change is entirely another. (click here to tweet that)

Change is difficult. Doing it successfully involves developing new habits, responses, and ways of thinking and observing. This will feel unnatural at first and needs to be approached intentionally.

Change is often slow. Or at least the pace of change is not linear. The results that are desired in any of the above arenas will not be instantaneous and will be filled with set-backs and learning moments. It takes time, often many months before the system will accept and embrace change.

Change is met with resistance. It may be personal resistance as the change feels new and uncomfortable. We will long for results and be tempted to turn back. Or the resistance may be from the system that is being change. Others involved will take time to learn and respond to the new patterns.

Change is painful. If it wasn’t, we would not be frustrated with it. Desiring some change is itself a response to pain, discomfort or dysfunction. Often though, we second guess because of the pain involved and this can erode our diligence.

Change is necessary for health. Human beings are not static creatures, nor are the systems we create. As we learn, we must grow and develop how we lead others and our self.

It takes a determined will to endure the process of change and enjoy the eventual satisfaction of the results.

The first step is evaluating your commitment to change. Saying one thing and doing another will throw the system into confusion, and you will lose credibility. People soon learn what to say or do in order to return to the old ways of doing things. In the case of personal change, it will lead to shame and failure.

The second step is finding a partner, someone external to the system to walk the path of change with you. A partner that will help you learn from failures and encourage you to celebrate successes.

One option is to find a coach who will ask questions to stimulate new ways of thinking and alternative ways to look at a situation or system. For more info about the process of coaching, feel free to email me and we can set up a free phone consultation to determine if a coaching relationship is right for you.

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10 Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing these key points on the topic of change. My daddy always says: “The only thing that won’t change is that there will be change.”

  2. This is so good, Scott! I see it all the time. Someone is hurting and reaches out for help but they’re not ready, not really. So they spark and sputter and quickly extinguish the fire that God started in their heart to change. And my heart breaks for them because of the possibilities they passed by. Thanks for sharing this and for always being a refreshing place to visit!

  3. Change is difficult but is certain. We are creatures of habit and to break a habit does take the will and desire to make this change. Thank you for sharing this important topic with us at “Tell Me a Story.” I remember an alcholic friend who asked me to make the phone call to enter him into a program. They informed me that the person him self must make the call because then they would know that he really meant business. His will was important.

  4. Very interesting and enlightening post. I found it very beneficial as I am contemplating change with my career.
    Angela @ Time with A & N

  5. So very true. The want and the will are two different things.

  6. Thank you for sharing your sweet blog at the Thursday Favorite Things blog hop ♥

  7. Hi Scott – Thanks for sharing with us at Let’s Get Real. I appreciate your insights on change, which I do not like in the least!

  8. Courage does indeed take courage but is essential for our journey of faith. Insightful post here. Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Blessings
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

  9. Change is hard but I think it is so good and worth it in the end! Thank you for sharing on Whatever Wednesday at Thank You Honey! Hope you have a great week!

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